Question: What was Tommy Tuberville's BAC for yesterday's Georgia-Vanderbilt game? 

My best guess is somewhere between 1.8-2.5. Honestly, the prospect that he was stone cold sober during that broadcast is imminently more concerning than if he was just simply hammered the entire time.

Question: When is your DC's bench trial for crack blocking that guy during your 20-year HS reunion? Also, what is his strategy?

It's this week. My cousin the workers' comp attorney was going to represent him. Unfortunately, he's dealing with a minor ethics issue of his own. It arises from an affidavit he filed with the court that was signed by someone who may or may not have been dead at the time it was allegedly signed. As a result, he is temporarily barred from appearing in court. The presiding judge has also criticized my cousin's appearance as "unprofessional" on prior occasions, so it's probably for the best anyway.

Despite our pleas to use a public defender or check around to see if another lawyer will take it pro bono, my DC is adamant that he will defend himself. The centerpiece of his presentation will be when he calls himself to the stand and, in his words, "aggressively cross-examines" himself. The state has several witnesses on its list from the reunion, including our class president, the assistant to the league director, the guy my DC crack blocked on the squash court, and the guy who won Defensive Player of the Year our senior year over my DC, so god only knows what he'll do when they take the stand.

He is also re-watching Season 3 of Suits to help develop his list of evidentiary objections.