Updates from the Road - December 23, 2017: We Trade a Chocolate Lab and 50 Pairs of Counterfeit Oakleys for a ‘97 Dodge Stratus

This morning got off to something of an ominous start, as I woke up on the ground in front of a Big Lots in Shreveport with no memory of how I got there or anything that happened after midnight. It turned out to be fate that brought me there.  Wandering through the parking lot was a very regal looking chocolate lab that evidently had gotten away from its owner. Where others might have just left the dog to fend for itself, I saw a greater opportunity and decided to pair the dog with counterfeit Oakleys to get a good deal on the ‘97 Dodge Stratus from the Days Inn front desk clerk that I previously mentioned. The dog had an LSU collar with a Saints logo dangling off of it, so it’s hard to imagine it had a very good life anyway.

In any event, I took the dog back to the Days Inn, closed the deal with the desk clerk (with the dog, we were able to get the car for only 50 pairs of counterfeit Oakleys), and we hit the road in the ‘97 Dodge Stratus. The trunk won’t completely close, there’s no tailpipe, no heat, and it leaves a trail of smoke the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since the Firebombing of Tokyo. But it got us from Point A to Point B, and we arrived in Texarkana unscathed and were able to watch the bowl games at TGI Friday’s. I ended up getting sucker punched by a San Diego State fan (guy had absolutely no humor about me barking at his daughter when she disagreed with my assessment that Rashaad Penny would be 4th on UGA’s depth chart), but I survived and was able to get management to throw him out by claiming the attack was unprovoked. Tomorrow, our journey takes us to one of the great American cities - Branson, Missouri, so stay tuned.